Where to draw the line?

I haven’t felt this much stress in my entire life.

When I was working, I never had stress that got this bad.

Like this is making me feel physically and emotionally not well.

I’m stressed out.

igA deficient, igG deficient, igM deficient, vitamin D OH25 deficient, iron deficient/ severely anemic.

My oncologist d/c treatment with INFeD^® cause I was sensitive to the side effects: low BP, & both my hands would go numb by the end the IV

(But it doesn’t really make sense.. because my most recent ct scan of my chest and abdomen confirmed pulmonary hypertension, a fibrotic band, lung fibrosis, & scarring in my lower lungs)

The average life expectancy after diagnosis is 3-5 years.

(What can I do with that?)

Sometimes it’s hard to breathe in all the way,

& sometimes it hurts to breathe in at all.

I’m always nauseous

Having sleep fits almost everyday.

I’m always tired.

I had a doctors appointment a few weeks ago.

&

Mom always comes to my doctors appointments with me.

But on this day mom wasn’t with me, because her husband decided that mom was not allowed to have any interaction with me, or go anywhere with me, that I was not to be trusted.

My mom asked me to color her hair on that day, mom, having some recollection of what her husband had instructed her not to do, was cautious around me.

While I was coloring her hair, she got up and grabbed a basket off the counter in her bathroom, and held it up as if she were going to hit me with it.

John yelled at my mom, because she let me color her hair.

This was around the holidays-

John wouldn’t let mom give me details of a white elephant gathering at my uncle’s house,

we were ALL invited to go.

John basically uninvited me.

I showed my doctor videos and audio of the abuse occurring in home. “He said THIS is what is making you sick!”

He referred me to neuro-psych for testing.

I can’t control my anxiety,

I have a traumatic brain injury,

GAD (general anxiety disorder), High Anti-thyroglobulins, Graves’ disease, with high peroxidase and there’s more happening.

I have a feeling that my brain is suffering.

I’ve been forgetful, (beyond what’s normal for my age).

I could listen to someone telling me something 1000 times… and not understand single word they’re saying.

The emotional, verbal, and narcissistic abuse at home has everything to do with it.

A few days ago, I was at Quest Diagnostics getting labwork done.

During the blood draw,

the blood stopped flowing into the tube in the middle of the blood draw..

and my veins just closed up on me.

(Ive always hated needles, and I’ve always tensed up during lab work. But nothing like this has ever happened to me before).

3 different employees at Quest tried taking my blood, they all had trouble, but the last girl got enough to send in for testing.

(They have a policy that a tech can only attempt 2 times, then they need to get someone else to try).

Anyway—

I’m starting to understand what might be happening with my mom, she was diagnosed with FTD two years ago.

(Abuse causes brain damage).

My mom declined rapidly while she was alone living with her husband. He is incredibly mean to her. He has financially emotionally and verbally abused her, he has manipulated her, tried forcing her, and now he threatens her that if she doesn’t cut me out of her life, she would lose all claim to her assets and the house.

He is a terror.

I think I figured something out.

If my veins are closing up during minor stressors like labs, then I’ll bet you that my veins are closing off a whole lot more intensely when Im in extremely toxic environments, like at my house.

Neurally mediated vasoconstriction might be physiologically linked to crisis triggers, chronic toxic stress, resulting in vaso-occlusion.

If it’s true that blood vessels widen, or narrow with events/stimuli, such as facing a crisis, mental stress would decrease microvascular blood flow).

This will increase the likelihood of red cell entrapment resulting in local vaso-occlusion. This could also lead to stroke and cognitive decline.

The amount of toxic stress in my parent’s house is unbelievable, my anxiety has reached a point that I’ve never been before.

It explains why my mom has FTD. It’s a direct result being around a toxic manipulative, self medicating mentally ill, grown immature man, who behaves ANYTHING but responsible and REFUSES to take accountability for his failure to fulfill emotional needs of his own WIFE: my mother.

I’ll recap:

My mother had a fractured tooth, a previously treated root canal, on a right upper maxillary molar.

The tooth remained in my mother’s mouth, and the infection began to spread throughout her sinuses. (Only on the right side. Same side as the tooth)

The infection continued to spread. Mom started blowing out blood clots from her nose.

She got horrible headaches.

I started to ask John what’s up with mom?

John claimed nothing was wrong.

Mom asked me to contact her neurologist.

Together we did.

I made and appointment for my mom and I found that there were several recommendations made, to alleviate moms condition, and improve her quality of life.

John knew about this and did nothing for 2 YEARS.

I got family involved, we got mom to an oral surgeon, got mom to the ENT, she needed sinus surgery. I involved John in the process.

I think I did a good thing,

mom’s feeling MUCH BETTER!

But John got some clear GUILT, he is obviously avoiding facing the reality that he had been negligent with my mother’s health- now he has drawn up a narrative that I have violated him in some way.

So.. he tells my mom she had a tooth pulled for no reason, he tells my uncle’s I gave those doctors the wrong insurance information.

Man, if this dentist was a fraud- why would my mom’s brother recommend that dentist to us, someone he trusted and had previously had dental work with.

Well, if the neurologist recommended that she see a dentist- any dentist– is it a conspiracy?? Were they in on it to make money together??

Was the ENT recommending surgery because she was in on it too?!

Come on man!!